Farmville - Farming for the manicured

Farmville - one's very own little virtual connection to mother earth. Maybe you're a 3 year old city dweller whose peepers have never even seen a MooMoo; you may detest carrots to the point of puking but have a fetish for frozen vegetables cause you couldn't be arsed peeling fresh spuds and parsnips; or maybe that Orwellian phase you went through in high school is stirring up inside and you are trying to get in touch with your inner swine or fowl; or you just love wearing wellies!

When I first came across Farmville on Facebook I thought to myself, wow, you're one sad bastard to be wasting time on this muck social portal. My fookacide (facebook suicide) came from the gentle encouragement of a friend and I nuked my profile. I've since been seeing a shrink to get over the damage of losing touch with people (my 'friends') who I hadn't even seen nor spoken to in 12 years (many of whom I hardly ever saw, spoke to or gave a shit about anyways). Remember, numbers matter, even if you hate the person you should still accept their invitation to prove your popularity with the masses.


So back to virtual farming. My girlfriend's brother recounted an odd conversation in the office that he overheard recently.

Agnieszka: "Jesus, I can't believe it, you stole my tomatoes."

Joanna: "That wasn't me sweetie, it was Basia."

Agnieszka: "Oh Jesus, I'm going to have to plant them again. She's such a bitch when it comes to veggies."

At first he thought Basia had dipped into Agnieszka's lunch box to borrow a slice or two of the universally loved red veg. in order to improve her own cheese and mustard 2nd breakfast. But it soon dawned on him they were engaging in Farmville-speak.

"So what the bleeding hell is Farmville?", I hear you internet stone-agers grumble.
Well, it's a real time farm simulation game on Facebook where you can buy, plant, harvest crops, animals, barns, etc.

Is it worth blogging about? It sure is. Why? Well, 64 million people on Facebook play it so I guess it's far more relevant to people than this blog which receives about 200 visitors a day, most of whom stumble here when they google Doda's breasts or dirty knickers (that's a long story - I once blogged about Doda starring for the Polish army in Afghanistan and a Polish MP wanting to ban people from hanging out their knickers to dry in public).

The creators of Farmville, Zynga, are currently facing a potential class action suit for manipulative and misleading adverts. In the meantime, manicured ladies in offices worldwide can get their hands virtually dirty by planting all manners of crops and guys who have a soft spot for BigMacs or Kentucky Fried Chicken can pet their cows and create a virtual heaven for their chickens. Children in the meantime, no longer need to visit farms in the countryside to get a feel for real nature. They just gotta turn on Daddie's Mac and Old MacDonald's farm is just a click away.

Heart tissue or bacteria? A 'miracle' in Poland!

Eucharistic miracles are claimed far and wide in the Catholic church

Oh boy, here we go again. It seems our friend Serratia Marcesens has reared it's mouldy head again, this time in Sokolka, north east Poland. The religiously faithful flock would have us believe that when a priest clumsily dropped a host of holy communion onto the ground, afterward placing it in a special vessel with some water, that 24 hours later it turned into a piece of human heart tissue. Hmmm, interesting theory, you may think.

Well, it was a professor at Bialystok medical university who first claimed that the blessed wafer had made a genuine conversion. This was backed up by one of her colleagues. So even the hard-hearted non-believers started to wonder what the hell was going on. But for those of you who know church history, or bacteria, this was just another case of a common annoyance waiting to unfurl. Thankfully, a Polish biologist, Dr. Pawel Grzesiowski has come to the rescue of making this seemingly unusual event one of common sense.

“This bacteria does not require much – it needs moisture and a temperature not higher than 30 decrees Celsius,” claimed the director of the Contagious Diseases Unit at the National Medicines Institute.

Professor Lech Chyczewski, head of the blood unit at the Bialystok hospital, added that the professor (Maria Sobaniec-Lotowaska of the Bialystok Medical University) who made the human heart tissue claim “saw what she wanted to see. She is very religious....In order to rule out any doubts, it would have been necessary to carry out molecular and genetic testing.”



Well, that does it for me. The fungus is out of the bag and there ain't no looking back now. Whether the populous believe it or not is another thing.

Go into in your bathrooms or basements and have an honest look around for a pink, slimy substance. This is where Serratia Marcesens inhabits, feeding off sugary and starchy substances. It's a common problem and I bet my savings if the priest did the same thing with a whole bucket of hosts he'd have enough rot to make up a whole human heart.

The bacteria has been mistaken for a miracle numerous times before. The feast day Corpus Christi is based on a miracle declared by Pope Urban IV when ‘blood’ appeared on the Eurcharist in 1264.

Fiercely important news from Poland - according to me!

Spuds are down in price by 45% - yipppeeeee! My week is made:-)) 20.5 kg for 100 zl.
Mash them, boil them with skins on or off, roast them, grill them, fry them, eat them raw, make vodka out of them.... who cares, just get them into ya before the winter hits and the prices sky rocket.

Vice president of the USA Joe Biden is coming to Warsaw Tuesday evening and is due to spread the tentacles of US military bases by signing an agreement with Polish political ass-lickers Tusk and Kaczynski that will allow 100 US troops to be based on Polish soil alongside SM3 missiles. I'll be standing somewhere on the streets making a symbolic protest with friends.

It's the 25th anniversary since the murder of Fr. Jerzy Popieluszki, chaplain to the Solidarity trade union at the height of the struggle against the communist government. He was beaten to death by secret service agents on 19 October 1984, his body dumped in a river. 'To kill a priest' documents the tragic end of the popular priest.

Have you heard the one about the students who were taught by a deceased teacher who had been recorded on a video tape? Well it has happened here and with new a poll revealing how brutal a problem cheating in Polish universities has become, it appears that 20% of polled students would buy a Masters dissertation for less than 500 zl.

If you are a drunken sailor or canoeist you better watch out. With a new Polish bill coming into force you may force a 600 Euro fine. Doing the overarm one-handed with a can of Tyskie in the other will not be permitted either, nor will supping a lager during yoga. But, believe it or not, if you are mouldy drunk and on a ski slope you will be perfectly entitled to be there. Is there any chance somebody passed on an aul bribe to get skiers omitted?

And finally, in this pointless blog post, it seems that I alone have been keeping the confectionary market aloft despite people counting their groszy nowadays. Beer and ciggie sales are down, but the annual 5-8 billion zloty (€1.3-€2 billion euro) sweet industry in Poland is buzzing. Insider rumours suggest that the recent return to Poland of foreign sweetomaniac residing in the Natolin district of Warsaw has helped boost the sector enormously.

Franciscan nuns abusing kids in Poland?

from happy anniversary celebrations..........

to allegations of child abuse


It's just 2 weeks ago that the media here were announcing the forthcoming celebrations of the Catholic Congregation, the Franciscans, who are currently enjoying their 800th anniversary in Poland.

These festivities have had a dark cloud cast upon them though with Polskie Radio reporting that the cops are investigating allegations of abuse by Fransiscan Sisters at a special needs centre for kids in Studzieniczna, north eastern Poland.

Nuns were video taped committing acts of violence such as pulling hair and beating kids in their care. The footage was recorded by a tourist and handed over to the police.

50 children with physical and mental special needs reside in the centre and unsurprisingly the local pastor, Fr. Zygmunt Kopiczko has jumped to the defence of the nuns. He supposedly visits the place on a daily basis and hough he admits the kids are disciplined in an appropriate manner no acts of violence are perpetrated upon them.

Sound familiar? Ah sure, just ship them off to another centre and the storm will calm, until the guilty sadist nuns get their hands on more kids. But just in case you think I'm Catholic bashing, hold that thought. I spent 5 years in a public school tha was also a convent. I had nuns as teachers, as did my brothers and most others in the community. I never once personally experienced or witnessed any of the nuns being violent, nor did any one I know of. The La Sainte Union nuns in my hometown of Banagher have an excellent reputation and despite all the crap that has come out about the church in Ireland, no allegations of abuse have ever being uttered against the LSU nuns in my hometown who have being there for over 150 years.

2 years ago 65 nuns were evicted from a monastery after they rebelled against a Vaican decision to replace their Mother Superior. A former Franciscan friar, Roman Komaryczko, was alleged to having a negative influence on Mother Jadwiga and her nuns.

So are there just a few bad Franciscans and religious eggs in the social care basket in Poland or is the entire system seriously affected by abuse from those with religious vows?

'Gamblegate' in Poland - so greedy greedy greedy greedy!

Irish singer-songwriter Damien Dempsey has a great song titled 'Celtic Tiger' which laments the latent greed amongst Ireland's nouveau-riche. It sprung to mind today after reading, seeing and hearing so much news in the last few days about corruption affairs in Poland.

Zbigniew Chlebowski, chief of the governing party's parliamentary club, resigned after accusations arose that he was involved in lobbying on behalf of the gambling industry regarding an upcoming bill that would raise taxes for the industry. Sports Minister Miroslaw Drzewiecki also 'gave himself the boot' due to similar charges. Prime Minister Tusk has gone further and dropped 3 more top ranking officials - the Interior and Deputy Prime Minister, Justice Minister, and Deputy Economy Minister.

Of course, the CBA are as corrupt as the f*^@ers it arrests (their chief is a political appointee and supporter of PiS, the main opposition party), but it's always good to see a zloty loving politician fall from grace. Prime Minster Tusk appears to be quite peeved that this bombshell has hit his party so he has also sacked the head of the Anti-Corruption Agency (CBA) whose statutory body revealed the dirty politicians in the government.

Another case in the media at the moment is of the former Civic Platform MP (the governing party), Beata Sawicka. She gave us all great entertainment 2 years ago by crying her eyes out on TV, claiming she had been seduced by an agent from the notorious Anti-Corruption Agency (the CBA) regarding a dirty land deal that would have landed her a good few groszy. Poor woman got her fingers caught in the pie and is now undergoing her trial in a Warsaw court.

So sit back and enjoy Damien Dempsey's great song about what greed has done to Ireland.

Full lyrics to Celtic Tiger
Listen to and watch it here

Greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy
So greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy

Now they saw the Celtic Tiger in my home town
Brings jewels and crowns, picks you up off the ground
But the Celtic Tiger does two things
It brings you good luck or it eats you up for its supper
It’s the tale of the two cities on the shamrock shore
Please Sir can I have some more
Cos if you are poor you’ll be eaten for sure
And that’s how I know the poor have more taste than the rich
And that’s how I know the poor have more taste than the rich

Hear the Celtic Tiger roar - I want more
Hear the Celtic Tiger roar - I want more, more, more

The fastest growing inflation rate in the world,
the cost of a run down house is absurd
This isn’t any age for a low income wage
Ask anyone who’s locked in a cage
A couple with kids can’t afford a place to live
Even if they have a good job
We’re bring robbed by the builders and the fat cat government
A league of greed and they don’t even need for a thing
It’s a sin
But it’s the nature of the beast
You’d better go and find a priest and confess
Because your greed is gonna leave you soulless

Where we gonna live, what we gonna do
We’ll have to move in with the woman in the shoe
They’re driving us onto the streets
While the fat cat in government cheats, and always
gets away with his crime
A kid steals a jacket and does time
Just look at the world around you
Tell why is there so much need
Because of greed
So greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy, greedy