Being Irish


I just had to rob this from an email my brother sent me and put it out on the blog for friends to see. With all due respect to us Irish, I'm sure all countries have their fair share of folks who do similarly bizarre if not more bizarre things than us. Enjoy - Being Irish!!!

And if you want to get a good insight into the Celtic Tiger generation then David McWilliam's book 'The Pope's Children' is a comprehensive, humorous but sad account of what we've become. It's even sadder that people like McWilliams, despite his bright analysis and wide-ranging intelligence, remain apologists for the capitalist greed that has consumed any sense of unique culture, hospitality, or environmental respect that we once had - or maybe that was just a myth in the first place?

*******************************

Being Irish is about driving in a German car to a Scottish pub for a
Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or
,a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most irish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign! why
in ireland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

why in ireland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to
the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.

why in ireland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a
DIET coke.

why in ireland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to
the counters.

why in ireland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then
have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want
to talk to in the first place.

Only in ireland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in ireland are there disabled parking places in front of askating
rink.

NOT TO MENTION..
3 irish ppl die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their
tongue.

#142 irish ppl were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new
shirts.

58 irish ppl are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.

31 irish ppl have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree
while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 irish ppl have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate

irish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas
cracker-pulling accidents. 18 irish ppl had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 irish ppl were admitted to A&E in the last two years
after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 irish ppl were injured last year in accidents involving
out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight irish ppl were admitted to hospital with fractured
skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.
If you're proud to be irish, send this on!IRELAND - Love it, or Leave it

Comments

Unknown said…
Before I agree to proselytizing around these facts I must have some assurance as to a reliable source. I’m sure your brother’s a nice guy but one must always suspect the brothers motives…Surely he’s just made all this up, no doubt to justify his own excesses and make you look foolish?
I’ll Ok the McWilliams comment but I find he's little too smug - far to many social stereo-types for my liking.
And your list of bizarre facts was fine till the ‘Not to mention’ heading.
Personally I’m really worried as to why I’m still alive cause I think I’ve done all of those things.
Yes scalextric cars can be dangerous if you try looking at them flat on your belly, while pissed out of your mind, as they come tearing down the straight, but a black eye is all your going to get, unless of course you’ve mounted it with a poison dart…...
Ok so it’s probably all true but must you publicize it?
Just cause you’re in Poland doesn’t mean you have to give all the national secrets away.
Anonymous said…
Source? - Come on Paul, look around ya;-)

Empirical evidence ain't too hard to come by in modern Eire as regards the ironic way we lead our lives.

True, one best take family members' and friends' jokes with a pinch of salt - and I'm sure my bro. qualifies as a person who has engaged in a certain amount of the listed excesses. I know I certainly did in my pre-seminary drinking days. Nevertheless, who better to send around a rap entitled 'Being Irish' than one who knows their is an essential truth - by the way, it could just as easily be entitled 'Being Middle-Class', no matter what country you hail from.

I agree with you re. Williams - to add to my dislikes about him, he wrote a lustful article on Ireland's need to consider nuclear power to sustain its' economic growth - I had hoped that campaign was won in '81 (same year as Offaly won their first hurling All-Ireland)with the popular campaign against Carnsore Point, but with McWilliams and other Meejits (to steal Harry Browne's The Village column title) around we would do well to armselves with the necessary non-violent strategies to ensure it does not bear its' ugly head once again.

Over and out for now.....be good.
Anonymous said…
I see this joke all over the place regarding Scots and British (although never seen a version about the English)

No offence but this joke is pointless as the facts are obviously not correct and does nothing but take away and deride the country you say you are proud off. Seriously if you want to deride Ireland why not start on the drinking records you have? Jokes are funnier while true after all.

I have my own version of this joke that has accurate figures to do with Scotlands poor dental records, and obesity levels. Much more of an impact made when the things being ridiculed are true.
wedge10 said…
Someone just replaced the word scottish for irish read the scottisn one about 2 years ago. The facts are all made up and i'm living in scotland at the moment and never seen a scottish bar hear let alone in Ireland. Please stop being a moran
Damien Moran said…
Wedge, piss off somewhere else. And if you want to venture down the path of being a smart-arse then I suggest doing a spell-check first.
Thanks.

Popular Posts