Are all cats this crazy?

Miaou (apparently you can also spell it 'meow' and 'miaow')is a one year old kitten , our newly adopted homeless pet, who has a beautiful black fur all over, that is, apart from his spotless white lower feet, underbelly, and lower facial area. After one glance into his eyes you are captured - hook, line and sinker - into becoming his servant.

Though if you were a thirsty alcoholic (they usually are) suffering from the DT's you might confuse him with a pint of Guinness, hold him aloft and try drink him -that is, if you manages to pick him up before he rapidly skirts away or scratches you on the cheek.

Luckily for Miaou, neither I nor my girlfriend drink Guinness.

Trivial digression - I even happen to have a photo of the last pint of Guinness I drank: Dublin Airport, January 17th, 2001.

Back to the point.

After a short online discussion 4 weeks ago, while 7,000 kilometres apart, my girlfriend and I decided to christen/nominate him with the name 'Miaou'. The inspiration for the name proposition came from a memory I had of a good friend from my home town telling me how his family decided to call their cocker spaniel (I think, but I'm crap when it comes to determining animal breeds)'dog' after the canine had spent 5 years officially nameless in their home - that is, apart from ever frequent beckoning calls that included, 'hey dog', 'here dog', 'that's a good dog', and of course, 'FUCK OFF DOG!'

I don't really like cats. Probably because the only cat I ever had abandoned me one Christmas when I was a little boy. His name was Fluffy. My dad hates cats. In recent years I began to suspect there may have been a case of felinicide (cat killing) to investigate, but actually it's highly probable that I just left the garage door open and Fluffy either:

a) Ran away cause he thought I sucked as a human buddy

b) Froze to death after leaving our shed for an exploratory breath of fresh air. His funeral may have been covered up by my ever sensitive parents who probably wanted to spare me a harsh grieving process.


Miaou greeted me a few days ago, albeit not with as much love as I had hoped for, on my return to our 11th floor Warsaw apartment after a 2 month absence. My girlfriend had been wooed by her brother's girlfriend's appeals to find a cat-minder and adopter for an 'adorable' little feline she had found in her home town near Wroclaw in the South Westerly Silesian region of Poland.

Adorable he is, but he's also a mad little fucker who spends 25% of his time manically running around after a mini-basketball (or anything else he can find - tampons are one of his favourite toys), another 25% seductively purring for us to get the lead out of our asses and sort out his food and drink requirements, 10% waiting for us to be distracted so he can stick his puss and gob into our grub, 5% doing his private toilet business, 5% watching us digging for and cleaning up his toilet business, and another 5% watching us doing our private toilet business (this seems to be his other favourite game - he's a bit like Borat in this sense, apart from the photo taking of loo-users that is).

Which leaves 25% of his 24 hour day for snoozing in our bed, wagging his tail into my eye while his ass tends to cock in my general direction. I'm not sure what that signifies. He's one of those animals that just likes to spread out his territory I guess.

On a positive note, we have successfully managed to curtail his habit of peeing in the shower, though impressively he always had bulls eye aim into the drainage gully. I must admit, I was very proud of him.

Anyhow, if anyone has some advice on how to look after felines then please send me an email or post a comment. Books, good foods, bedding material, liquids, must avoids - every little but will help us be better parents to the new boss of our house.
His name, Miaou!

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My Favourite Cat Quotes

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later." - Mary Bly

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick

"Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer." - Bruce Graham

"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit." - John S. Nicholsn