A Pissed Polish Left and Cantona's flying kick

Aleksander Kwasniewski enjoying a beer with his wife Jolanta

I'm no longer big into the world of football, but I've decided here to try my hand and make a loose soccer/politics analogy in order to sex up a briefing of a hilariously ridiculous pre-election gaffe by the 'Left-elite's' Ronaldhino in Poland.

A drunken, swaggering, slurring, embarrassing pseudo-leftie ex-President who just handed a small moral victory to his right-wing nemesis with a diplomatic faux-pas, intoxicated performance in the Ukraine has become an unwelcome distraction in the Polish pre-electoral discussions.

Ex-Communist Party cadre and former president Aleksander Kwasniewski appeared tipsy at a public reception on Saturday, providing the gutter-news led media with another irrelevant headline to distract from the many pressing issues that face the Polish electorate as they prepare to make their choice for governance on October 21st, 2 years ahead of schedule.

Now it's hardly a fuck-up on the scale of the infamous 1995 incident involving another leading light, albeit in the world of English soccer, the talented French Manchester United soccer player Eric Cantona who did a flying kick into the crowd at a taunting Crystal Palace spectator who was abusing him after he had just being sent off. There is a cockiness and air of genius that relates the two men, but that is as far as it goes really - apart from the fact that they are also both notorious for screwing up in public dramatically.

Image from Wikipedia
Yet I can't get the slight correlation in incidents out of my mind.

I am wondering if Kwasniewski may end up losing the equivalent of £20,000 (Cantona's fine amount) from the lecture circuit or in political sponsorship due to his fondness for vodka shots and consequent TV speech incoherence. In the short term, maybe yes, but it seems that his notorious behaviour may just as easily benefit him politically and socially in the long-term. Humans are strange beings - we have a tendency to like people who treat us like shit. I am anticipating with great eagerness the results of the next polls to see if the Left have had their support reduced or increased due to this incident. It may just be that Kwasniewski, alike Cantona, will end up believing it was the best move he had ever made in his career.

12 years ago Cantona was banned for 9 months from the playing field for his stupid behaviour, but the leadership of the Left in Poland are so sycophantic to their deity Mr. K., that they announced on Sunday that rather than dropping him as their nomination he will now definitely be their Left Alliance's candidate for the premiership.

I suggest that if the Lewica i Demokraci (LiD) caucus had any principles (they don't)he should have been fined for humiliating his party and Poland on a public stage - a fine that could be best used to provide some much needed funds for those in need of rehabilitation at alcoholics dry-out and after-care clinics. What's more he should not have been nominated to represent them as their PM candidate. And finally, he has yet to be reprimanded by the Justice system in his own country for leading his country into a war in Iraq that he subsequently acknowledged was initiated under false pretences.

But the Parliamentary Left in Poland, as in many areas throughout Europe and the world suffer incurable bouts of sycophancy and desperation. Despite the potential fall out from his faux-hic....pas...hic, his comrades in arms obviously realise, similar to Manchester United fans learned the hard way without Cantona in their ranks (ultimately being tipped to the premiership by Blackburn in the '95 league), having their 'star' performer on the sub bench and off the playing field will most certainly not bring any trophies home to their dusty cabinet.

I was wondering whether Kwasniewski would give the Polish equivalent of Cantona's memorable one liner at his post kung-fu action press conference:

"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown in to the sea."

Instead, the red-faced diplomat merely commented:

"It's not important whether I had one glass of wine or ten," speaking to private television station TVN. "I am free to do as I wish."

I rather the seagulls and sardines soundbite, don't you??? Though I must admit I was taken aback that he did not try and wriggle his way out by saying he had only had a few hours sleep, could not refuse Ukrainian hospitality drinks, etc. Nope, he just pretty much said: Yeah, I was drunk - so fucking what!

This situation is just one of a series of ludicrous political shenanigans I've read about since returning to Poland from the Middle East a couple of days ago. Whether the Great Purger of Corruption, His Royal Morally Highness Prime Minister Kaczynski, rises again to the throne or his neo-liberal opponent Donald Tusk from the Civic Platform party devilishly transforms to Mephistopheles and lures the Faustian Left to help him broker power-sharing, all remains to be seen.

This promises to be a dually entertaining and vomit-wrenching election campaign.

For those of you interested in a funny, insightful Idiot's Guide to the Polish Elections have a look at Beatroots two posts linked here:

Part I

Part II