Farmville - Farming for the manicured

Farmville - one's very own little virtual connection to mother earth. Maybe you're a 3 year old city dweller whose peepers have never even seen a MooMoo; you may detest carrots to the point of puking but have a fetish for frozen vegetables cause you couldn't be arsed peeling fresh spuds and parsnips; or maybe that Orwellian phase you went through in high school is stirring up inside and you are trying to get in touch with your inner swine or fowl; or you just love wearing wellies!

When I first came across Farmville on Facebook I thought to myself, wow, you're one sad bastard to be wasting time on this muck social portal. My fookacide (facebook suicide) came from the gentle encouragement of a friend and I nuked my profile. I've since been seeing a shrink to get over the damage of losing touch with people (my 'friends') who I hadn't even seen nor spoken to in 12 years (many of whom I hardly ever saw, spoke to or gave a shit about anyways). Remember, numbers matter, even if you hate the person you should still accept their invitation to prove your popularity with the masses.

So back to virtual farming. My girlfriend's brother recounted an odd conversation in the office that he overheard recently.

Agnieszka: "Jesus, I can't believe it, you stole my tomatoes."

Joanna: "That wasn't me sweetie, it was Basia."

Agnieszka: "Oh Jesus, I'm going to have to plant them again. She's such a bitch when it comes to veggies."

At first he thought Basia had dipped into Agnieszka's lunch box to borrow a slice or two of the universally loved red veg. in order to improve her own cheese and mustard 2nd breakfast. But it soon dawned on him they were engaging in Farmville-speak.

"So what the bleeding hell is Farmville?", I hear you internet stone-agers grumble.
Well, it's a real time farm simulation game on Facebook where you can buy, plant, harvest crops, animals, barns, etc.

Is it worth blogging about? It sure is. Why? Well, 64 million people on Facebook play it so I guess it's far more relevant to people than this blog which receives about 200 visitors a day, most of whom stumble here when they google Doda's breasts or dirty knickers (that's a long story - I once blogged about Doda starring for the Polish army in Afghanistan and a Polish MP wanting to ban people from hanging out their knickers to dry in public).

The creators of Farmville, Zynga, are currently facing a potential class action suit for manipulative and misleading adverts. In the meantime, manicured ladies in offices worldwide can get their hands virtually dirty by planting all manners of crops and guys who have a soft spot for BigMacs or Kentucky Fried Chicken can pet their cows and create a virtual heaven for their chickens. Children in the meantime, no longer need to visit farms in the countryside to get a feel for real nature. They just gotta turn on Daddie's Mac and Old MacDonald's farm is just a click away.


Julian Bloomer said…
Hi Damien,

And I always wondered what the hell farmville is :) Came across your Ghana blog as I was perusing the web this morning, just put this one in my blogroll. Keep up the good work :)

Damien Moran said…

I am glad to be the one to induct you on the ways of virtual farming. I'll have a gander at your blog tomorrow when my brain is functioning better. Farmville just sounds like a bunch of horse manure to me - pardon the pun.
Quickroute said…
You're gettin' to be more of a wanderer then me - I have a cunning plan to infect the 'Farmville' animals with Mad Cow Disease and Avian Bird Flu and then invite ALL the folks from 'Mafia Wars' to a free BBQ
varus said…
So i guess you won't be taking me up on an offer of being my virtual neighbour then?

Shame, i could so with the extra points :)
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